No basketballs, please

Another basketball lands in my backyard, disrupting my afternoon nap. It’s almost the Fourth of July, and my neighbors seem to be having an outrageously good time, but I wish their kids could keep their toys in their own yard. With my nap ruined, I decide to see what all the fuss is about and stand on a stool to see over my backyard fence.

And what a good time they seem to be having, I see: footballs being tossed, masses of smiling women, children, and men alike crowding around a grill filled with generous chunks of meat, and giant red, white and blue flags hanging everywhere. I take a look at my backyard, and realize how lonely and empty it is.

I get a little jealous, but there’s no need because I’m going to hold my own barbecue this weekend, and it’s going to be just as good, maybe even better!

First, I’ll need to get superior barbecue entertaining gear:

When I was growing up as a kid, my family and I would usually have a barbecue, but not before seeing the local Fourth of July parade first. There would always be a seemingly endless stream of men dressed up as “Uncle Sam.” “How could there be so many Uncle Sams,” I thought? Are they all related?

Watching never-ending Uncle Sams for several hours would always leave me confused and hungry. Sticking these Stars & Stripes Corn on the Cob Picks (set also includes dishes) in some sweet corn would be enough fine dining and entertaining for me, and would make up for all that lost eating time thanks to those parades.





Speaking of stars and stripes, the Harlem Globe Trotters also come to mind. Watching one of their players spin a red, white and blue basketball on just one finger reminds me of these Patrotic Paper Lanterns, where it would just form a flurry of color and elicit big smiles from the crowds.

I’m not sure if I can get the Harlem Globe Trotters at my barbecue, but this will work much better in terms of décor.



In order to make some awesomely barbecued food, I’ll also need some fun grilling tools such as this Football BBQ 3-Piece Tool Set. My neighbors may be playing with footballs, watching footballs on their 112 inch television, but can they grill with football-themed gear? I didn’t think so.

At the end of the day, my guests and I will need some frosty treats to cool down from all the fun we’ll be having, and that’s where the Cuisipro Ice Cream Scoop & Stack comes in.

Geometrically perfect cylinders of ice cream pop out of the scooper, which allows for stable stacking. Forget traditionalism, it’s America’s birthday, and we’re moving on up in every way, including ice cream scooping technology! While my neighbors are feverishly lapping up their toppling scoops, my privileged barbecue guests will be in awe at my built-to-scale, rainbow sherbet replica of the Burj Dubai.

My awesome stack of ice cream structures will need an appropriately well-designed container such as these Polka Dot Ice Cream Bowls (Set of 4). They have a simple, clean design with a creamy-colored body and bright, polka-dotted rims. Just looking at the picture, the green ice cream matches the porcelain bowl’s body and the sprinkles correspond with the polka-dots! They’re perfect and I didn’t see any of these at my neighbors’ barbecue!

Now that I have all the appropriate barbecue gear, I just need to go grab some fresh food and I’ll be ready to grill! How do you like that, neighbor?

Leave a comment and tell me what gift you would bring to my barbecue and you might be able to receive an invitation! But please, no basketballs, you can take them next door.